I am a volcano
& my lava rises
Everything has a cost and
The price is
More then I am willing to pay
This is the painful point
Where awareness meets acceptance
I have stood here before
Last time I swore
I would never return
I dressed my behaviours in a different pair of pants
Convincing myself
THIS time it would be different
I was insistent
That I could see myself through
I leaned back on my laurels
And paused to drink in the dew
I found in the enchanted forest
The same story of addiction
Only the love & relationship edition
I cannot hear logic
Over the volume of my hearts denial
If its service was not vital
I would have disposed of such a troublesome piece of equipment
A long time ago
It doesn’t matter the feet of the idol
I carefully select to grope & gravel
Or the roll of the dice
That I carelessly gamble
The consequences are identical
These addictive tentacles
Are woven into every area of my life
If I wrung it out
Havoc would drip down like sweat
From my forehead
After a particularly compulsive bout
of exercise
I could pass a breathalyz
-er test now
But my soul still burns
With hunger that I cannot satisfy
Insatiable
I wonder
If I even have a soul
Or if It is a thousand locusts I carry in my breast
I know my progress is most at threat
When their tiny mouths reach up through my neck
Into my throat
Eating is another thing I use to cope
A different storm
Same boat
It is not hopeless
The way it was before
There are new pathways being formed
That I cannot give up on
Or ignore
Life goes on – I will too
Spinning another last thread
To swing from
Until one day ill have spun myself a ladder
There I S life after
Addiction.
