The Meaning of Motherhood

The meaning of Motherhood

Every night before bed

My mother would tenderly brush my hair,

She read goodnight stories and

Tucked little wiggling bodies

Into soft linens atop wooden beds

When I was 5 years old I became a mirror

I played ‘house’ with dolls

Tenderly brushing frayed hairs

Reading goodnight stories and tucking little plastic bodies snug into little wooden beds

Every day my family rumbled belonging around food and drink

When the clatter of dinner stilled

The grumbling of hungry bellies sated & calm

Empty plates sat with empty chairs before being piled high in the sink where they were left, soon forgotten

When I was 8 years old I became a reflection

I played house with little sisters

We had pretend meals with tiny little glass plates around tiny little plastic tables

We piled dishes high in the sink

Where they were left, soon forgotten

Every Saturday night before we were tucked away early I watched my mother put on make up, and her best flowing dress

Date night meant my parents made eyes at each-other all throughout supper

When I was 10 years old i became a wishing well I decided I wanted to be a mother, too

I laid awake arranging furniture in future mansions

I made long journal entries swollen with infatuation I imagined falling in love….And I fell sick, instead with longing that curdled inside me

Leaving a sour taste in my mouth

At Age 21 I became a mother.

It was everything I had imagined, it was everything I hadn’t.

The juxtaposition of motherhood consumed me.

At age 26 I finally understood and I surrendered to motherhood with signed adoption papers.

I flashed through memories of the gift of my childhood: a wishing well, a reflection, a mirror, a child who was cared for the very core of it all,


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