It was a year saturated in sorrow
My mascara was regret
And I wore it in layers
Till my eye lashes were thick and heavy
My memories are snapshot photographs
Stained yellow with nicotine
Like my fingers
To remember
I have to squint
Through thick purple smoke
And the haze of hatred
That painted everything black
Sometimes I forget I’m 27
26 never happened
Except…
I am in all the pictures taped
To the mirror
Where I studied every flaw that I could find
I was there
Hunting for approval
From all the wrong people
In all the wrong places
A shadow of myself
With head hung low
But there
Existing
Convinced I was terminally unique –
Camped somewhere in the beyond – all – hope
I remember days blurring
Endless words strung into endless sentences
That went in endless circles
Until my voice was hoarse
From the words and the drips
And the bitter taste of empty promises
I kept my apologies in my pocket
As well as my remorse
The year 26 is one long scream
Choking
Trapped
Gargling in the base of my throat
A year of treading water
-And I survived.
