Shopping For Shoes

I am looking for a new pair of shoes 

In the aisles of a grocery store 

All that’s left for me here 

Is disappointment and regret 

And by shoes I mean the components 

Of a healthy relationship 

And by grocery store 

I mean men 

When  – 

Will I finally connect the dots 

& correct the thoughts and 

Feelings or belief about them 

They do not make my loneliness ease

They do not create in me 

The ability to seize my NOW 

Rewire my brain 

Retire these same old patterns

Of behaviour

I have pursued a thousand different saviours 

& tried to save myself 

Through the act of saving someone else 

Sometimes I feel like throwing out 

The whole project that I am 

Rewind, remix, repeat

Cycles, circles

The same cycles and circles 

My frustration is understandable 

But harmful to the process 

All this 

Every accomplishment Has formed a foundation that is build 

Brick by brick 

From every time that I wrote myself off

But then tried again anyway 

Because any day now 

It will come 

I bloom from love 

Not fear and frustration 


Not denial 

I shall extend myseld 

Endless retrials 

At 8 months old a baby could not yet even walk 

And by baby I mean my recovery 

And by not yet even walk 

I mean 1 inch at a time 

I will crawl on 

Progress NOT perfection 

And maybe one day 

I will be looking for shoes 

In a shoe store 

And end up walking out with just the right fit.

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