I am looking for a new pair of shoes
In the aisles of a grocery store
All that’s left for me here
Is disappointment and regret
And by shoes I mean the components
Of a healthy relationship
And by grocery store
I mean men
When –
Will I finally connect the dots
& correct the thoughts and
Feelings or belief about them
They do not make my loneliness ease
They do not create in me
The ability to seize my NOW
Rewire my brain
Retire these same old patterns
Of behaviour
I have pursued a thousand different savioursÂ
& tried to save myself
Through the act of saving someone else
Sometimes I feel like throwing out
The whole project that I am
Rewind, remix, repeat
Cycles, circles
The same cycles and circles
My frustration is understandable
But harmful to the process
All this
Every accomplishment Has formed a foundation that is build
Brick by brick
From every time that I wrote myself off
But then tried again anyway
Because any day now
It will come
I bloom from love
Not fear and frustration
Acceptance
Not denial
I shall extend myseld
Endless retrials
At 8 months old a baby could not yet even walk
And by baby I mean my recovery
And by not yet even walk
I mean 1 inch at a time
I will crawl on
Progress NOT perfection
And maybe one day
I will be looking for shoes
In a shoe store
And end up walking out with just the right fit.