I constantly
Have to turn my head
From the past
& what has passed.
My feet must be firmly planted
In the present
But there are strings of resentment
That are tying me down,
Pulling me back.
There is a soundtrack
That still plays
I am learning how
To be alright with that,
If you could see me now –
You would see
Who I always was –
But forgot for a time.
If you could see me now
You would see me draw a line
Or a boundary around myself
To protect what is mine
You would see courage and health
Consistency, reliability
My recovery
Speaks for itself –
Its voice
Is assertive & clear
I am NO longer ruled by fear
If you could see me now
You would hear
My stubborn J O Y
In every word that falls from my lips
In every piece of art that manifests from my fingertips
In the way that I fight furiously
To try and forgive
You.
If you could see me now….
But this door is closed.
It must remain that way,
To open it would be making shades of gray
Out of what is so crystal clear
I don’t play with fire anymore
Even a better me
Cannot change what has come before
I can only accept
And let your memory die
It is time to say goodbye
