I wrestle with a disorder of emotion disregulation
Disregulation as a result of emotional vulnerability
AND a lack of emotion modulation skills
The theory is
That bpd is rooted in a biological
predisposition
and exasperated by environment
Emotion vulnerability has 3 factors
Sensitivity
Reactivity
Return to baseline
Ohh how long it can take to return to baseline
An invalidating environment seems harsh to say
When I know how loved I AM
But it simply refers to an environment
That does not seem to understand your emotions
& mine were so confusing & complex
It isn’t an easy picture to paint
My inside never matched my outsides
And the outsides were always changing
I couldn’t keep up with the constant rearranging
A child who’s emotional needs aren’t met
Learns to escalate behaviour until the environment responds
And It does eventually
Strengthening behaviour through reward
Parenting is SO impossibly hard
I believe we do the absolute best we can
I am here today
Because the roots of my rearing
Stood fast
Margaret Linehan used the ‘Tulip & Rose Garden’
Metaphor to explain
A rose planted in a tulip garden
Will not flourish
A rose needs to be nourished
In a different way
THey have different growing requirements
— and let me add the rose holds no resentments
It just simply cannot bloom
I gave my mother a rose bush
At the beginning of my journey as a mother
She has always loved tulips
They bloomed bright and beautiful
In all the many gardens she’s had in all the many places
We’ve called home
In facing and revealing
There has been SO much healing
Today in her tulip garden our rose bush
T H R I V E S
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, sobriety, and gratitude
began to groom
The perfect soil
For a rose to bloom.
These are each so beautiful and expressive . You have such a gift with words Marie! Thank you so much for sharing these with me!