I Used To Be A Girl

I used to be a girl 

Who knew who she was 

And what she brought to the table 

Brave and capable 

Imagine if you are able 

A different girl 

In a different time 

When the days didn’t blur 

Into when I last had a line 

People change all the time 

But I notice the sun is there sometimes 

And then it’s gone

And when this has happened several times that means several days 

Have happened along

I fly so high 

Higher than a thousand of the highest kites to kiss the skies 

Could ever fly 

But I fall SO fast 

I plummet like 

A rock 

Tick tock 

I hear a constant clock 

Reminding me that this too will end 

And every time 

I lose a little more 

Of my very core 

I abhor the parts of myself 

I cannot understand 

I will not reconcile with the part of me

That is so self destructive

hate is wrong 

But I cannot satiate this angry monster 

Inside me

 how can I forgive 

The burned bridges

The empty promises

The things I’ve caused myself to lose 

And the horrible horrible scars 

All over my skin

As damaged as the part within.

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