Eleven Months

Toddler beds in Ikea

Or A kids menu on Uber Eats

A child in distress in the aisles of a grocery store –

Instantly I feel a dissonance in the tone of my emotion

My heart pounds

My chest swells

Shame nips at my ankles

Trying to pull me back to hell

“Triggered,” I whisper firmly

Taking discomfort by the hand

I embrace the sadness

These remnants of emotions past

behave like a colloid :

When I release

They drip away like water

Eleven months

He had to remind me !

Eleven months

I suppose I have learned a thing, or two

Lean in

Let it flow

It hadn’t even crossed my mind

Because very day is so beautifully rich

With all the components that come together to make living

Wonder awaits me with every pause

This is all for me?

It takes me down to my knees

Forgiven, I remember

It doesn’t always feel possible

But I can choose to clothe myself in its harmony

Releasing and recovering

To make what was wrong

As right as it can be.

My babies – my heart throbs

“They are safe now,” I repeat, out loud

Because sometimes flashbacks are stubborn like that

The sky is the limit she said to me

And I saw even the sky open for me

Not a cloud to be seen.

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