My relationship status with food says:
“It’s complicated”
I didn’t realize how it waited
It hibernated just below the surface
Chemical addiction
Or behaviour addiction
They both bring
Disregulation
Shame
& Fear
One day at a time
I can choose to never have that first drink
But one day at a time
I DO need to eat
You see
With food it must be moderation
Not elimination
& ohhh how I dance
Toe to heel
Toe to heel
In this balance Ballet
Sobriety brought me a buffet
Of meaningful experiences & relationships
& I feast daily
On These blessings
I am afraid to let my body feast
The same way
Too little Too much
Too little Too much
I try to shift the focus
From how I look to how I feel
On my journey to heal
I realize
I must nourish myself physically
The way I am learning to nourish myself
Emotionally
Spiritually
Nourish to Flourish
Nourish to Flourish
I had to get a bigger toolbox
To carry all the skills I need
plant the seeds
& water them too
My body is mine
& it matters because of the purpose it serves
And the memories it holds
My self respect is not on sale
I have sold
myself short
one too many times
Food is good
& my body is too
As I learn to
release expectations
self love breaks through
